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On Being Naked

Introduction

Being naked is easy - you do it in the bathroom every time you shower. All you have to do is take off your outer garments, closely followed by your undergarments, and you're there. Being naked with that special other is also quite easy (and often, quite appropriate). It is accomplished in much the same method as showering, except it usually takes place in the bedroom (or on the kitchen table, or even an aeroplane toilet, if you're adventurous). But taking your clothes off in front of a dozen strangers….now there's the trick. You see, this fantastically advanced society we live in says that it is shameful to remove our clothing in front of anyone who is not your spouse, your doctor or your masseuse.

Why Nudity is Wrong

The "how-comes" of this dictum date back to Adam and the Apple Incident, and were revived during the latter reign of her majesty Queen Victoria. They are:

1. Nudity is inherently shameful according to the Bible of every religion - except the ones that come with a living Messiah and an FBI stakeout.
2. Being naked incites maddened sexual passions which will inflame and destroy the fabric of our civilisation.
3. Your naked body is a forbidden temple, to be worshipped by your spouse, care-taken by your doctor, and refurbished by your masseuse.

Now that we have that out of the way, there are several more practical reasons why clothes are in fact quite a useful habit:

1. Stinging insects rarely bite through denim jeans.
2. Sunburn hurts, and suntan lotion ain't cheap.
3. Most of your orifices are not sufficiently flexible to act as a safe place to carry your wallet, keys and cigarettes.

So where does this leave us? With a body that will never truly know the feel of wind caressing its every hair; that will never get an all-over tan. All that glorious shame that's lurking in our underwear…

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Why Nudity is OK

We've gone through the assumptions that tell us why nudity is dreadfully wrong. Now, a quick glance into the matter from a somewhat different perspective.

1. The human body is terribly common. Believe it or not, everyone has one. And mostly, they look fairly alike: the same amount of limbs, eyes, hairy patches and moving pieces. That's why you can mass produce shirts.
2. The naked body is not equal to sex. Thousands of African tribesman will attest to it, and tens of thousands of nudists the world over will back them up.
3. Sometimes, it feels great to be naked. For me, sitting naked on a picnic blanket on a sun-dappled river bank surrounded by trees, on a warm day with a cool breeze, among good friends and family, is my idea of heaven.

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